Learning to walk with the Lwa (the job edition)

© Skypixel | Dreamstime.com – Career and Job Opportunities

If you are a regular reader, you may be familiar with my recurring shoe dreams. Some people have nude-in-public dreams; I have walking-around-with-no-shoes dreams.

I had another one recently in which I was walking around in a truck stop rural area with the girlfriend. I look down and I am stocking-footed. It finally dawned on me that these dreams are largely about stability (and the lack thereof). I don’t know why I did not figure this out sooner. I have weak ankles, so good shoes are paramount to my physical stability. So it’s not too surprising that my recent bout with job instability would trigger a shoe dream.

Just over a year ago, I was laid off from a job of nearly a decade and transitioned smoothly into another job. The new company seemed like a good fit, the job was interesting, and things went well for a while. And then things started going bad. The mundane reason: a long commute (Seattle to Tacoma) meant I was often tired and started falling asleep at work and having job performance issues. My confidence in my work skills took a hard blow. The other reason: a long commute meant little time for much else, including service to the Lwa.

They weren’t happy with me and this became clearer and clearer over time. Whenever my thoughts turned to finding a new job closer to home, things would go better at work. But if I thought, “Well, maybe this will work out fine and I’ll stay for a while,” then I’d start having problems again. When they speak and you don’t listen, things go awry. Eventually enough was enough. So near the end of last year, I started sending out resumes and quickly got a call from a staffing agency, who placed me in a temp-to-hire position with a company that processes legal papers.

The paper-pushing job was super-convenient (a one-bus commute to downtown Seattle), but also a little depressing. Aside from handling legal documents all day long, I was very much a production drone who wasn’t utilizing many of his skills. I really don’t like looking for work and was hoping that this job would work out long-term, but after a brief couple of weeks I could no longer ignore the push to look for something better. And then a playfully written ad on craigslist caught my eye. It was for a graphics-related job in the tech sector.

I was hoping for but did not expect a response, but they responded within a few days and requested a phone screening. Now, I hate the telephone and knew I needed Legba’s help on this one. I lit a candle and asked for his help. And he came through. The interview ended up feeling more like a casual conversation over coffee, and the following Wednesday I found myself over on the Eastside for a group interview.

Legba came through again–I aced it. So much so that my interviewers had no additional questions for me at the end because I’d already answered them. Now, I am a very inconsistent interviewee–whether I interview well or not depends a lot on my mood that day and the demeanor of the people interviewing me. So this was no small feat. I liked the feel of the company–it was energetic, forward-thinking and seemed to value its employees. My interviewers were considerate and followed through whenever they said they would do something. Legba’s hand was evident during our interactions and when I wrote an inspired cover letter and the follow-up correspondence.

The tech company told me they’d make a decision no later than the following Monday. I tried not to become too anxious, but this was a job I cared about, and I knew I’d be disappointed if I wasn’t hired. However, they made me the offer the next day.

That day, prior to the offer, I was returning from my lunch break at the temp job. I stopped in the restroom and set my phone and the book I was reading on the back of the tank. I turned to latch the stall door when I heard a splash. My book and my phone had fallen into the john. I am not really sure how; I thought I’d placed them firmly on the tank.

I immediately snatched them out. I was very glad the phone still worked but the book was damaged. It probably was salvageable, but you can’t really wash a book, so I decided to trash it even though I was in the middle of reading it. It was a Christmas gift. Oh well, I’d replace it at some point.

Shortly after that (like, within an hour), I received the job offer. That made me wonder if the book was claimed by Legba as payment for the job. Later I would call Mambo and ask her opinion, and she said that sometimes happens if you don’t negotiate your deal well. And I realized I hadn’t been specific enough when I petitioned Legba. I liked the book, but I wasn’t too upset. It was a small price to pay, and if the phone had been damaged then I might not have gotten the call in a timely manner, and the job might have been lost. So Legba took the book. I just recently replaced it, but felt it would be a good idea to remember this lesson. So instead of buying an identical new paperback copy, I purchased an older used hardback edition. In this way I don’t feel like I am erasing that event.

After a slightly stressful ten days (mostly due to confidence issues left over from the Tacoma job), I am starting to feel stable again. Also, from a numbers standpoint, this is the 3rd position I’ve had since leaving my last long-term job. Three is my met tet’s number. So I am optimistic I will be here for a while.

Thoughts on the afterlife (Part One in a possible series)

(This is an informal discussion between myself and one of my sosyete sisters.

I’ve been thinking a lot about death and the afterlife since I saw John Edward.  As my sister has had similar topics on her mind, we decided to discuss publicly. Plus it’s a nice way to close out November, when we honor the dead.)

©Arbi Babakhanaians, Dreamstime Stock Photos

Cheshirecatman (CCM): My interest in death started at an early age–probably from fear of losing my mother, then later continued when i became suicidal and wondered what would happen if I did it. It’s since grown beyond both into an interest in what comes after this. I don’t consider it morbid. It’s more fascination and interest in a little-studied aspect of reality.

Shibamistress (SM): My mother would say I have always been interested in the trappings of death: I have always been a collector of bones and skulls and skull imagery. Then, it was just something that appealed to me. But I also began to think of it more when I was suicidal, wondering what it would be like. Since my mother has been suicidal most of her life, I had to deal the idea of death for a long time, and I did not believe, like she seems to, that it was just like “going to sleep.” I started getting interested in other people’s ideas of afterlife, though admittedly, I haven’t read as much as I could (I’m sure you’ve read a lot more than me about it). But I started thinking about it a lot, and like you, not in a morbid way, but with real interest.

CCM: My long interest really piqued when I lost Puck. I was working with a skilled animal communicator both before and after he passed, and he continued to talk to me after he passed, and knew things that happened around me. As regular readers will know, the first time Legba appeared to me he was with Puck.

SM: That is amazing! So how do you envision an afterlife? (I’m so curious about this!)

CCM: Having read or listened to various accounts, it seems somewhat subjective.
I believe the reason for this is because, on that side, it’s much easier to manifest things by thought and energy, so you kind of manifest to some degree what you want. Sylvia Browne saw it as a beautiful place with all Greco Roman architecture. Mine most frequently is some sort of alternate reality Seattle. It’s my city but things aren’t quite the same and landmarks are messed up.

SM: Oh, that’s so interesting! This is sort of a side note, (or perhaps not), but I often have reoccurring dreams that take place in alternate reality cities. Meaning, I have many San Francisco dreams that are not in real SF, but are consistent from dream to dream.

CCM: I have dreams in other cities as well. Browne wrote that a version of everything on this earth exists over there. Maybe. I do think that we might easily manifest places similar to what we are used to, especially when visiting from here.

SM: And I very much agree that it is subjective. I also believe we manifest things in that other world.

CCM: Yes. Browne talked about how you could manifest a home to live in, which makes sense.

SM: Yes! I have done this, based on more reading/discussion about building things on the astral plane rather than looking at it as necessarily the afterlife. But my feeling is that building on the astral plane IS (perhaps) building for the afterlife. So I have constructed a small space that is the same space I use for meditation (as much as I do that) astral journeying, feelings of safety, etc.

CCM: I would agree with that. Death seems like a transition to another plane, and astral travel is about other planes.

SM: I was working on a novel in which the main character dies in the opening chapter, and the rest is about her navigating the afterlife (and also helping her sister who is still alive). I don’t know if I will ever finish the novel, but it really helped me think about the afterlife and how I imagine it. Her first task is to learn how to manifest what she wants, to create a home, even create a world. One of the big points I thought of (not an original thought, but something that intrigues me) is that everyone gets the afterlife they expect, because to some level or another, they are manifesting it. Now if they become adept at that, they can change and reshape things there. If they don’t believe they can do that, though, they may be stuck for a very long time indeed.

CCM: That makes total sense to me. It might also explain why some people experience hell. I’ve been a lucid dreamer since early childhood, and one thing I’ve noticed is that in a dream, when you succumb to fear, the dream literally goes to hell. Or, if I become lucid, I can change the dream from a nightmare to something peaceful. It is about mindset and control though.
I think the dream state teaches us some things about the other side, although I think we have more control there than in dreams. And I don’t think all dreams are necessarily visits to the other side. I do think some are just the brain working stuff out, and some are a mixture.

SM: Yes, that makes sense to me. I am not able to lucid dream (or at least my attempts have not been successful) but I do believe that it is the same skill set, so to speak. And I do also believe this is why some people experience hell. They expect to. In my novel-in-progress, the narrator is able to visit some of other people’s afterlives, and some seem to be living in a classic “heaven” with angels and pearly gates and all that crap, and some are in a traditional hell. some are in their private hells. All would be able to move out of those if they chose to and were aware enough. (The visiting part made sense in a novel and the idea of creating what one expects makes sense to me, but I don’t know what I think about actually visiting other people’s afterlives)

CCM: I am hoping you finish that novel now. I do believe in what I will loosely call the angelic realm, but what I think of as different levels of beings including angels, the lwa, and different deities. One thing I did gather from reading various books is that once you cross over into the next realm, you have more understanding of things but you still don’t know all there is to know.

SM:  It may not be a real novel. It may be just me thinking about the afterlife!

CCM: But you could turn it into novelic form.

SM: Oh yes, on the other side you still don’t know all there is to know! My thought is death is a beginning…and the afterlife, which may or may not end in another incarnation for some, is just the beginning! There is much to learn there too!

CCM: Murry Hope talks about it in terms of time and center points. The “godhead” or what people think of as the one God is at the center, the rest of us are navigating inward to that center. So as we get closer (through transitions to closer dimensions) we gain more of the larger picture.

SM: Oh I like that! That makes a lot of sense!

CCM: So if you have wise guides, they are not God but are closer than you to the center.

SM: There was a writer whose name I can’t recall now who I read a while back. I think he may be Australian. Anyway, he talked about there even being “universities” in the afterlife, where people can learn many many things, and I loved that idea! I also very much agree with the lwa and others closer to god than us and can guide us.

CCM: I think the universities are very possible.

SM:  I’ll have to see if I can dig up my reference too. I believe I wrote it down somewhere.

CCM: Sylvia Browne talked about that a bit too. On the other side, she did not see you as sitting around singing praises to god. People could work in areas they were passionate about, to help people on earth (or other similar worlds). There were vast libraries of knowledge you could visit too.

SM: Yes! I think so too!
I also believe we can take any form we choose there, once we learn how to do it. That is so appealing to me.

CCM: Yes, the physical form would be part of the energy manifestation thing. You could take on a form that matched a former life, or something else. I am often very much a shapeshifter in my dreams.

SM: In my writing, I had a scene where my narrator goes to a school to learn and encounters a black jaguar, and asks how the jaguar learned to take animal form, and the jaguar says rather huffily that he has never incarnated as a human! *lol*

CCM: Smart cat, lol.

SM: And the shapeshifter dreams are the best! I don’t think they are entirely dreams…perhaps memories….

CCM: Yes, memories. I am probably dumping human form after this, but who knows how I will feel when I get there. You also have the opportunity to be an incarnated person’s spirit guide, which i think could be rewarding and aggravating. So I could see briefly adopting human form if working with a human. They freak out kinda easily lol.

SM: Oh yes! That makes sense! I was thinking that perhaps my character might work herself up to doing that kind of work or working as a psychopomp, so I was thinking something similar.

CCM: You seriously need to write that book. I probably am gonna bother you about it now.

SM:   Here’s something relatively new. I’ve been thinking on this topic, but it is not all clear to me yet. See what you think. So often I feel as if I am separated from something so close to me, so important, it is stronger than any human bond. And I miss it. And I thought about how when I die, perhaps there is a sort of soulmate I will finally meet in that world. Then I started thinking about Vodou and our two souls. What if we somehow are just meeting another part of ourselves there? A part that did not incarnate with us? And that is the longing that some of us feel?
Or perhaps it’s like Freda, longing for a closer connection with the divine? Who knows. But the two souls things started me thinking.

CCM: There are theories that we live simultaneously in different dimensions or time zones, even though we are only aware of one during our waking hours or during normal consciousness. So part of you (some might say your higher self or possibly your future self) is literally missing from normal conscious life.
I have gone through various beliefs about soul mates and/or twin souls and have not exactly come to a conclusion. I will say that soul mates of that sort do not always incarnate with us. so that is entirely possible.

SM: That’s one way I thought of it too.

CCM: I am thinking mine is Puck, as his loss affected me like no other in this life. The main thing I want when I leave this life is to reunite with him. I know some will poo poo me feeling that way about someone who isn’t human, but I poo poo that sort of limited thinking. I am not sure Puck is “just a cat” even though that is what he incarnated as.

SM: Makes total sense to me. Puck’s soul wanted to be with you, even if it was in the shorter life as a cat. And you will meet again, and have no doubt been with each other for a very very long time indeed in one form or another.

(This is part of a planned ongoing series about death and the afterlife. To be continued.)

Thoughts on seeing medium John Edward live

During the middle of last summer, when it became very obvious that my vacation plans were kaput, I  decided to buy tickets to see psychic medium John Edward. It was something I’d thought of doing for a long time, but the tickets aren’t cheap so I didn’t. This time, though, I had the money I would not be spending for travel on hand, so I thought, what the heck. Plus, it would give me something to look forward to

For those of you who don’t know who he is, Mr. Edward used to have a show on the SyFy channel called “Crossing Over with John Edward.” I watched the show regularly, and because of the way he received information and the speed and confidence with which he conveyed it, I quickly recognized he was the real deal. Plus I liked the fact that, even though he has a Catholic background, he didn’t filter the information through a religious lens. (He stated at his show that religion is a path to the truth, not the truth itself.)

I purchased two tickets, not really knowing who I would invite to go with me. I asked my girlfriend Anne if she wanted to go, but Anne was noncommittal, even though she also enjoyed “Crossing Over.” A few weeks later I went to a movie with my good friend Joe, and mentioned the show. His interest and enthusiasm were immediate, and so the decision was made.

The show was at the Marriott in SeaTac, and we arrived about an hour and 45 minutes prior to when the doors opened. It seemed a bit excessive, but when we got there, there was quite a line and only one person processing tickets. By the time we actually sat down, there was less than an hour to wait

John took a wrong turn and was about 20 minutes late, but the show was extended by 20 minutes so it wasn’t a big deal. The experience was very much like watching an episode of “Crossing Over,” with John doing random communications on behalf of various people in the audience. I used to wonder what was cut out of his TV episodes, but after seeing him, my guess is not much. John doesn’t believe in “production” or playing up a reading for dramatic effect; he pretty much just relays what he receives. The last reading of the night was particularly moving–the recently deceased young son came through to talk to his family (his mother and possibly some extended family–I couldn’t see too well from where I was sitting) in their time of grieving. John even offered to call the father (who didn’t attend) after the show, on his own time.

The show lasted about 2 hours, with an extended Q&A afterwards for VIP level ticket holders. Joe and I could have stayed and gotten pictures taken with John, but we opted not to because we were both hungry by then, and we would have been in a line of maybe about 300 or so people.

Initially I had thought it might be neat to be one of the people who received a reading from John, but once I saw how much time he was spending with some people, I was glad I didn’t get one. Joe felt the same way. With my muddled knowledge of my ancestry, I might not recognize some blood relatives if they came through. Plus, John really believes that the people who receive communications during an event are the ones who need it the most. The grieving family really needed it. As for me, I have my own mediums to consult with, and I commune with the dead in dreams.

Some people in the audience seemed very hopeful about receiving a reading and disappointed that they didn’t receive one. If you plan to attend an event, I advise that you just go with the expectation of watching John work, which is itself quite fascinating. And the conversations between John and the audience both before and after the readings are interesting. You might think that your chances of receiving a reading during a 2-hour event are pretty good, but in actuality part of that time is spend in discussion and questions with John, and sometimes the readings take some time, so the odds of receiving a reading are not that good. If a reading is what you really want, I’d advise to save the money you would spend on tickets and buy a reading, either from John or from a less-famous, more affordable medium.

Thinking about death and the afterlife of course makes me think of my late cat Puck, and I’ve been telling him over the past 2 weeks since the event that I’d really like to see him. And finally, last night, he paid me an extended visit in my dreams. The memory was a bit garbled by the time I awoke, but I know it was one of the longer dreams I had with him, and that alone warms my soul.

My 2016 so far

So yes, this site is still active and no, I didn’t fall off the face of the earth. I just got really really busy. And not in a bad way.

What happened was that I returned to work right after the holidays. The big muckety-muck from back east who is president of Company A that owned the west coast company I worked for was visiting. He called a company meeting and told us with exaggerated regret that the company and all our jobs would cease to be by the end of the month. I will say that at least Company A had the decency to wait until after the holidays and to give us severance packages.

My company’s closure wasn’t exactly a shock. Business had been drying up over the past few years, accelerated by the departure of the president of our west coast company, a woman who was not intimidated by the east coast big wigs and was not afraid to advocate for us. After her departure, we went through a series of general managers hired by the dudes back east who did not have the same backbone that she did. Anyhoos, enough of that. I realized I had less than a month to either find another job or live off of the extra money, which I preferred to keep in savings.

I was weirdly non-panicky. Usually I would be neck-deep in anxiety, running all the worst-case scenarios through my mind in an endless stress loop. But no, this time I was calm, even rather lazy when I began my job search. In two weeks, I think I sent out maybe three resumes. And then, for the hell of it, I decided to send off an email to one of our competitors, a company in a neighboring town. It would be a lengthier commute, but I really didn’t even know if they would respond, so didn’t think too much about it.

Well, the GM at the other company responded within a day. And was interested. And, as I found out during the subsequent interview that felt more like a conversation between friends than an interview, someone in their company had recently left and they were in need of someone with  skills similar to mine. And I got offered the job before I even left the building. I think that has happened to me maybe two other times in my life, not counting really crappy production or food service jobs. And each of those times, I ended up staying at the job for a while.

So, all these smooth connections and my lack of worry about any of it has Legba stamped all over it. I went from my last day at old job to first day of new job seamlessly (although in retrospect I probably should have taken a few days off).

The great thing is I love my new job. The not-so-great thing is the longer commute cuts into my time a lot. Hence, my neglect of this blog among other things. I am still trying to figure out how to balance it all.

A couple of other things worth noting:

I had a very nice “dream” recently about visiting with my beloved late cat Puck. We were in an ultra modern house with mostly white decor. My mother was also there, somewhere. I didn’t see her but her presence was very much felt.

Also, my travel plans for the summer got nixed, for reasons beyond anyone’s control. I’d been feeling kind of bummed about that. Then,  one night I had popped over to the psychic John Edward’s website, wondering why I hadn’t received one of his newsletters recently. Yes, I am a fan of his, and he is part of the reason (along with other research and my own experiences) why I am certain that life continues after the death of the body. On a whim, I checked out his tour schedule. He is scheduled for Seattle in the fall.

And I thought about the unspent travel budget, and…voila. Bought two tickets, one for me and one for an as-yet-undecided companion. I don’t usually buy expensive tickets and haven’t been to a concert in years. But I felt okay about spending the money. And then….

Literally about two days later I get a very nice check for some sold artwork for an amount that nearly covered the price of the tickets. I’d say, weird huh? But enough of these things have happened that I just accept them and thank the forces that be. I am not necessarily expecting to get a reading at the show, I just have enjoyed watching him on TV over the years and think it will be interesting to go. And so my journey continues….

 

 

 

Deciphering shoe dreams, and medium messages

Recently I had another one of my shoe-themed dreams. This one started out where I was watching TV in the master bedroom of my condo with an estranged relative, F. Then we leave the bedroom, and we are no longer in my condo but instead find ourselves wandering around Southcenter Mall (a mall south of Seattle). It’s the early hours of the morning and still dark–I have to catch a bus for work soon.

F and I are looking for a Starbucks, but in the dream the only one was in a separate building. I’d have to walk to the other side of the mall and across the parking lot, and there wasn’t enough time to do that. As we are walking and trying to decide what to do, we find ourselves in a basement corridor with a concrete floor. There is some sort of ritual going on. The people are dressed in white and look like Vodouisants, but this ritual is not one I’ve seen before. We are told to take off our shoes and walk through a wide but shallow puddle of water on the floor.

We do, and on the other side of the puddle the corridor opens into a small storeroom. Our shoes and socks are supposed to be there, but (of course) I can’t find mine. We walk through the mall and outside, where F decides to go catch the bus. The dream ends where I am still at the mall, wondering how I am going to get to the bus stop and work with no shoes.

This theme of losing my shoes has been present in my dreams for the past few years, and I think I finally figured it out. It has to do with the phrase, “hand you your walking papers.” See, I am fascinated with the other side (the afterlife) and sometimes I really long to be there. I am probably a little obsessed. And the shoe dreams are basically saying, “Not yet.” I don’t get my walking papers. I don’t get to leave just yet. I really should obsess a little less and focus on the work at hand.

Also recently, I had a brief session with my medium friend Tracy. I took the opportunity to ask Puck if he was the source of the two recent cat paw sensations I’d felt, and before I could even get the full question out of my mouth, he said yes. Silly wonderful cat.

Also, apparently I have quite a group of beings watching my back now, which I credit to Kanzo. They let me know that I am progressing well along my path, although sometimes I feel like I am swimming in molasses when it comes to spiritual progress. I will take their word for it, as they have a better view of things than me.

A visit with my mother

I haven’t been posting much for the past couple of months. I’ve been busy with some mundane tasks and wasn’t sure what I felt like writing about. Then a few nights ago I dreamed about my mother.

She’s been on the other side since the mid Eighties. I don’t dream of her often, so it’s always nice when she stops by. Often we are traveling together, driving in cars or waiting in airports. This time we were in the kitchen of the last apartment we lived in together. There are other people in the apartment, but I’m not sure of their identities. She and I are alone in the kitchen, and she has an array of food laid out on the counters and stove top. Apparently a party or feast is underway.

When I was a child she used to buy me glazed donuts at a local shop for a treat. In the dream she hands me a glazed donut covered with blackberry and raspberry fruit topping. I bit into it and it was delicious. And then I woke up.

Nothing terribly exciting or dramatic, but I feel this dream is a sign of good things to come.

Highlights of a conversation with a medium

I’ve been sitting on this post for just over two and a half weeks. It’s tricky to write about messages from the guides and the Lwa. I have to decide what to share and what to keep private. While I like to record my experiences here, some things cannot be shared for privacy or practical reasons. But I’ll share what I can…

This session took place on August 11th.

Early in the session, the Lwa came through. My medium, Tracy, is not a Vodouisant so she was not sure of all of their identities. I was able to identify one, but not the others. I will refrain from naming the one I did identify for practical reasons. While they offered words of encouragement, some of their advice also had to do with protecting myself.  And the one identified said I could go to him/her for protection, so I think it best if s/he remains unknown for now.

They told me that a lot of the work I’ve been doing over the past few years has been paying off. Much of this work has been aimed toward removing my psychic blocks so that I could be better attuned to them, the ancestors, my guides and deities. They said it’s been easier for the spirits to get through and that the energy has been flowing more freely in both directions. This made me very happy, as I’ve invested a fair amount of time and money to resolve my issues. For this, I can expect a higher amplitude of energetic exchange.  They did advise me to pay attention to grounding, as it’s easy for me to take off in my head. When they said this, I immediately thought of someone I know who lives very much in the spiritual realm. The downside is that she rarely seems fully present in this one. I was told that I am not supposed to take off too much as I might not return. My body would be here, but my brain wouldn’t be. (Tracy was shown Alzheimer’s as an example.) It would take away from me.

I was also cautioned that someone is “coming at me.” I have not been aware of any attacks really, but I credit that mostly to the Lwa and my other guides rather than to any super ability on my part. Having a Lave Tet certainly didn’t hurt either.

One of the things that touched me the most is that they told me there is an integrity around my relationship with them. This was gratifying to hear, because I try very hard to maintain my objectivity (without overdoing it, which can be my downfall) and to accept experiences without embellishing them with my own desires. They also told me that my altar does not need to get bigger (audible sigh of relief here, as I am currently trying to figure out where to relocate the Ghede and still have not resolved the issue). Another moving and surprising thing they told me is that in some fashion I’ve helped to “pull those that transition into it (Vodou).” They made a comment that some who have transitioned are part of the group now. I like thinking that friends who have crossed over in recent years could be attending future fets. It brings me much comfort.

Random info from other guides: They said it’s getting easier for me to maneuver around/through/in (I think they were referring here to the astral planes). I am good at paying attention, even past the “whoa” moments (meaning even when something incredible happens, I keep some presence of mind to notice details). I was advised to pay attention to the foods I eat; I should eat more greens, which I’d already been thinking about. If I understood correctly, greens can assist in spiritual development. They told me when I need to ground myself I can eat meat (they advised white meats rather than red). “Eating greens will help your mind. Eating meat helps the body. You are doing a good job of staying away from bad things.” I haven’t felt that I’ve been doing that great of a job on maintaining a healthy diet, but I am grateful for the encouragement.

And now for the stupid question, which I mentioned in a previous post. I asked them if I get to leave soon. And yes, I meant death. I’m not suicidal but I sometimes get very worn down and tired, and eager to cross over to the other side. Plus I’ve been thinking about death a lot recently due to the loss of a friend and another friend’s serious illness.

The answer was a firm no, as apparently I chose this life and am in it “for the long haul.” I have mixed feelings about this (I am, at times, the king of mixed feelings). However, they are telling me to move past this latest bout of obsessing. And now that I know I’ll be here for a while, I feel free to make some long range plans.

Overall, the guides and the Lwa are satisfied with the work I’ve been doing for them. And then they said, “If you are having to work on anything, it’s keeping the human bullshit away. Work on protection.” That got a laugh out of me.

I got to say hello to my beloved Puck (for new readers, Puck was my feline companion of nearly 15 years). He is still around, keeping an eye on me, as there is lots of activity. Last year I had a dream about my mother (who crossed over in the 80’s) driving my Siamese cat Snowman and I to a vet. In the dream another cat was at the vet’s office. Although the cat appeared to be an Oriental shorthair or Burmese rather than a Rex like Puck, I’ve been wondering if perhaps the cat was actually Puck, so I asked him.  Puck confirmed that he was there.

Then I said hello to Snowman, who crossed over earlier this year. Tracy said he was laughing as he greeted me, and said he is walking with me. Ever the one to seek confirmation even when I already know the answers, I asked him to identify the man in the last dream I had with Snowman in it. Cats don’t play the sorts of mental games that we play, so he simply responded with, “You know him.” Again, I had to laugh.

As I mentioned before in this post, I’ve been puzzled as to why the pain of losing Puck lessened a great deal after Snowman crossed over.  I’ve been mourning Puck pretty intensely for five entire years and Snowman’s passing hit me hard as well. You would think I would be feeling doubly horrible. But no, after I went through the initial grief of losing Snowman, the aching pain I carried in my solar plexus for Puck began to fade. So I took advantage of this opportunity to ask Snowman about that.

He said he realized he could do more for me out of his body. He has more malleability now. He said he “worked on” me. The idea of Snowman as healer doesn’t surprise me. He was always a wise cat, and tireless in providing me support.

Following the conversation with Snowman, I asked Tracy some questions about my current feline companion Luna and our dog Stella. I asked about my mother, and Tracy saw an image of her watching over me, smiling, and welcoming me to talk to her more.

After these sessions with Tracy, I always feel uplifted and have lots to think about. This time was no exception.

And now, a Legba and Snowman dream

I am enjoying this period of active dreaming, and had another action-filled dream last night.

The girlfriend Anne and I catch a ride downtown with two cop friends of her mom’s (in the dream, we don’t know these people in real life). They are bobbies and have British accents, so I am not sure if we were in the UK or what. They get off at their district station and we get out to walk around a small downtown area. Then we are wandering through a neighborhood when I realize that my backpack is missing.

I am panic-stricken (I ride the bus in real life, and regularly carry a backpack with me for practical reasons). We backtrack through the neighborhood searching for it, and then we see it hanging from the side of an excavated pit. The pit is about 20 feet deep and maybe the width and length of a medium-sized house. The backpack  is hanging closer to the top; I should be able to reach in and grab it with minimal difficulty.

There is a brown horse wandering around the bottom of the pit. And then we see a man dumping explosives down into it, indifferent to the presence of the horse. The humorous part is I am calculating whether I can run over there and retrieve my backpack before he sets off the explosives. In real life, I would be concerned about the horse. I don’t even carry any real valuables in my backpack, just bus schedules, a spare set of keys, some aspirin and a cheap pair of sunglasses. The dream skips forward and I soon have my backpack again. I am uncertain about the fate of the horse.

The symbolism here is rather blatant and made me laugh after I woke up.  The pit could symbolize the subconscious. The backpack my attachment to the material world. The man planting the explosives is probably a lwa. The horse? The horse is me. In Vodou, the person who is ridden by the lwa is called a chwal, which means horse in Kreyol. So the message appears to be to let go of material attachments and ego (obliteration), and descend into the subconscious.

Back to the dream: Anne and I wander into this house where all these people are hanging out. They appear to be a mixture of whites, blacks and people who are a mixture of both.  A woman pulls back the curtains covering the living room window and we see all these people walking by; it looks like a mass migration.

I go outside with a young couple. We jump in a car and start heading down the road to see where everyone is going. We are the only car on the road, and we hear strange noises. Then this hippo-sized dinosaur creature pops out of the bushes and we wreck our car.

Then I am back at the house, and the dream takes on apocalyptic overtones. A child of about 7 and a couple of adults are with me in the front yard, and we are being circled by a pack of coyotes. Somehow I manage to get the coyotes to back off (I think I growled at them) and we make it safely back inside the house.

Once inside, more details about the place and its inhabitants become clear. At one end of the room is a mechanical door. It looks kind of like an elevator door except it’s made of a black rubbery material. I refuse to sit with my back to this door. I tell people it’s because of a bad smell, but really I am just uneasy about it for some unknown reason.

There is an old man in the room. His facial features are African, but he is not real dark. The scraggly white hair encircling his bald head is not very curly. He appears to be the leader. Everyone, including me, calls him “Papa.” There is also a beautiful Siamese cat in the house that is not supposed to be Snowman but looks exactly like him.

Papa leads the group of people down a seemingly endless series of escalators. I am near the rear of the group. We keep descending, level after level, and then I woke up.

Colorful dreams and a second Snowman visitation

Last night I had another visitation from my late Siamese cat Snowman. I call it a visitation because, even though it happened while I was dreaming, the look and feel of the dream was extremely vivid, complete with tactile sensation (which many of my dreams do not have). I was also aware in the dream that I was not seeing him with my physical eyes, but with the third eye.

In the ‘dream,’ I was lying in bed and saw him standing on the floor to my left. I sat up and leaned down to pet him, I scratched his chin and ran my hand along his back. I was delighted to feel that his fur was sleek and soft; it had gotten so scruffy during his illness. He plopped down on his side and I saw that his body was lean and muscular; none of his legs were swollen or misshapen. Then he went under the bed and vanished. After I woke up I was not sure if this visit had occurred when I was asleep or awake, but after giving it some thought I am guessing I was asleep.

In a later part of the dream I am in bed again, but my room is huge and contains 4 televisions of various sizes. I leave my room and go outside (apparently on my way to another ‘home.’) Once I am outside I realize I forgot to bring some things from my room, but after trying fruitlessly to return to the condo and also failing to find an office building that I needed to go to, I decided to continue on my way to my second home. At this point I realized I was dreaming, so there was no need to waste time going back to where I’d already been.

I am in a huge city, and interested in seeing the sights.  I am walking, floating, and flying along. At one point, I was waiting at a busy intersection and a gigantic (about the size of a small car) blue hand is making its way across a concrete island in the middle of the street. Also standing in a crowd of people was none other than the Incredible Hulk.

I have really no idea what most of this means, but am just glad to be able to see Snowman again and stroke his fur, and know he is doing well.

Another dream and still shoes

Wednesday night I dreamed that I owed $650 to a former apartment complex. I went to pay it in person, and realized that I did not have enough time to get to work (meaning I was at the apartment office at 5:30 am, like that would happen in real life).

A bit later in the dream I am inside a large office building or hotel. I walk through a set of double doors into a large conference room. Directly in front of me is a row  of psychics  seated at small tables covered with black cloth. Atop each table is a cash register or computer. Beyond the psychics is a room full of interesting New Age/occult shop merchandise, and I am hoping to be able to check that area out later.

To my left, perpendicular to the row of psychics is a long table with a few people sitting behind it. One of them is Dr. Cain, one of the few shrinks I visited back in my youth before I decided that talk therapy wasn’t for me. The real Dr. Cain, when I knew him, was middle-aged, balding and a bit cocky. In the dream, I am impressed how well he’s aged (and when I woke up I realized that, in the dream, he was actually younger than he was when I knew him). He has a full head of dark hair and is slim and fit. What’s more, the cockiness was gone. He was pleasant and subdued when he gave me what I came for, which was a stack of paperwork.

As I looked at the papers, expecting them to be old case records, I see that he’s given me a stack of magazine clippings. One is a picture of a red poppet doll, the kind you see sold as mass market “Voodoo” dolls. The rest of the photos are of modest but pleasant houses.

I leave the suite then, exiting through a second set of double door and get a ways down the hallway before I realize that I’ve (once again) forgotten my shoes. I have to backtrack and find them outside the second set of doors, next to a Christmas tree. I also realize at this point that I don’t look like I do in this life, but am in another body that I sometimes wear in other dreams. This body is slightly taller but still has thick dark hair and olive skin.

When I did finally wake up I was glad that I was not late for work. But the shoe theme still continues and perplexes.