Legba creates my vision

I am coming up on the first anniversary of my Kanzo with Sosyete du Marche. Thus it seems like an appropriate time to reflect on the past year and what has (and has not) changed about me and my life.

Outwardly, there is not a whole lot of visible change. I am still at the same job. I live in the same place, in the same area of town. I haven’t gotten a spiffy new haircut nor remodeled my home.

Not all of my bad habits have changed. I still stay up too late on weekends, and have a tendency to procrastinate. I have an impatient streak, but it’s one that I continue to mostly control. I can be messy when I get busy or tired, especially when facing art deadlines. I still am fascinated with the afterlife, although in a much more positive way than I have been in the past.

What has changed outwardly is the official acquisition of my new family, the Sosyete. This is no small thing for me—my birth mother crossed over nearly three decades ago, I never knew my father and the one living relative I do know is permanently estranged. Now I have parents and many siblings I can turn to for love, advice and support. I took great delight in sending my initiatory mother a small Mother’s Day gift, something I have not been able to enjoy for many years.

So what about the less-obvious changes?

Many times I thought about writing this post but kept putting it off, uncertain whether there had been any changes interesting enough to discuss here. Apparently the changes kind of crept up on me. Some people’s experiences are more dramatic and obvious, but the majority of mine tend to be more subtle. My Lwa often speak softly, and in the language of images.

In March and early April I was engrossed in my usual springtime art frenzy, preparing to participate in a local sci fi/fantasy convention’s art show and another show at a local shop. I had quite a few pieces planned that were Vodou-related, including two sculptures of Legba, La Siren, La Balenn and Agwe, whom I’ve never sculpted before.

The first Legba I finished this spring was the Old Man walking along a road with one of his dogs, although I sculpted both Legba faces at the same time, and was very happy with them. This was a sharp contrast from the struggles I sometimes have with faces, which can result in me becoming so frustrated that I will toss them in the garbage and begin anew. I was particularly pleased that both of the faces resembled Legba as he appeared in one of my dreams.

Sculpting clothing is not always super easy for me, yet when I worked on his jacket and pants, I kept having what artists call “happy accidents”—my hand would move and create a fold or movement of the fabric that was unplanned, but looked good. Now, normally, I would never consider putting one of my own pieces on my altars, because I would sit there and obsess over the flaws and shortcomings. This time, however, I was so happy with the completed piece that I thought about keeping him for my altar if he didn’t sell at the convention. Also finished for the convention was a La Balenn piece whose face turned out unusually lovely. I received a lot of compliments on both of them when I showed them to friends.

La Balenn did not sell at the convention, but Legba sold immediately after to a couple of friends who saw him in the art show there. (They tried to buy him at the show, but due to a change in the art show hours, they were not able to purchase him before it closed.) It makes me smile to think of Legba in their home.

Then my focus shifted to finishing the pieces for the shop show. I decided to do a Native La Siren, as that is how she appeared to me the one time that I saw her. I was not sure exactly how to sculpt Agwe, so I had a loose plan to create him as a merman wearing an admiral’s jacket. However, he had other things in mind. I kept receiving flashes of images in my head, and realized that yes, he did want to be portrayed as a merman, but rather than the uniform he opted to have coral extruding from his back and crowning his head. Although I was working on my pieces up to the last minute, I never really got stressed out. It seemed that every time I got stuck on something, the answer would pop into my head and I was able to move on. Sometimes my hands felt guided, to the point that I don’t feel that I can take all of the credit for the way the art turned out. It was more of a collaboration between the Lwa and me.

When Agwe was completed, he also received many compliments. During the artist opening reception, one of my regular buyers whom I had never met before came in and bought the entire marine Lwa set (La Siren, La Balenn and Agwe). He wanted the seated Legba piece I had there too, but a friend had already spoken for it, so this gentleman commissioned a new one. (I have to smile when I think of Legba and the 3 marine Lwa displayed in his home; I won’t be surprised if they all start showing up there.) Another previous buyer whom I had never met came in and purchased a Sekhmet wall piece of mine. During the following weeks when my art was on display, a couple of local Santeria folks saw Agwe and loved him so much that they commissioned one like it.

Overall, this is probably the most successful art show I’ve had to date, as far as sales are concerned. I reflected back on the nom vayan (“valiant name”) that my initiatory mother gave me at my batem (“baptism”). It translates into “Legba creates my vision,” and he certainly has outdone himself this time.

If you haven’t already read it, my lovely initiatory mother has written a wonderful piece on magickal names in Vodou, which explains them better than I can here. All’s I can say is it certainly worked for me! Honor to her, Papa and the Lwa. Ayibobo!

Post fet energy

Last night I attended a local fet for Erzulie Freda. It was a lot of fun. I saw some local Vodouisants I haven’t seen in a while, and met three new people who were pretty damn cool. The format of this fet was pretty similar to the fet in Philadelphia.

I’ve written at length about fets before, and don’t plan to again unless something really unusual happens. While this isn’t the first time I’ve felt energized after a fet, this is perhaps the first time that it left me unable to sleep for hours. This may not seem unusual for most people, but it is for me. I’ll explain.

I find socializing draining, even when I like the people. My friend Slinky and I met around 12:30 to join another friend for lunch. That lasted over an hour. Then we went over to the fet venue and helped the mambo set up. There were maybe a dozen people at the fet, and it lasted until midnight.

Now, I did wake up late yesterday morning, but with all the socializing I should have been exhausted when I got home. Instead, I stood up until nearly 5 a.m. I didn’t even feel particularly energized, but apparently I was because I had no desire for sleep for hours.

For a long time now I’ve believed that Freda was in my escort because she is married to Agwe. A discussion with a friend earlier today helped me understand that there could be another reason as well. Years ago, during a therapy session (before I decided that talk therapy is not for me, although I acknowledge it may help others), a therapist told me that “this life is just never good enough for you.” I think he said that after I made the mistake of opening up about some of my unconventional beliefs. The statement does seem to be true though; I am always searching for more and am often dissatisfied to some degree. And Freda is often dissatisfied. So we do have that in common.

I am also developing a theory why I now have the Marassa, but am not ready to discuss it at this time.

Philadelphia Part Three: A fet and a lave tet

Note: These events took place on August 25-27, 2012. Please note that any errors contained herein are those of the author and not of Sosyete du Marche. The author generally does not take notes during fets and lave tets, and relies on observation and memory, neither of which is perfect.

The day of the fet and lave tet was a Saturday. I woke up around 8 a.m. and headed down to the hotel bistro for some breakfast. As I sat waiting for my order of scrambled eggs, a family sat down a few tables away. A mother, young daughter, and two boys–identical twins. I rarely see twins, but their appearance the day after my reading made me think of the Marassa again.

I had several hours to kill before heading over to Sosyete du Marche for dinner. I used that time to visit the Philadelphia Museum of Art. The museum is amazing. From its historic exterior to its interior design (which changes depending on which section you are visiting), the place is not only aesthetically pleasing but impressively huge. This was like a real life review of my art history classes back in my college years. Seeing originals by such favorites as Degas and de Chirico was inspiring. Other cool highlights: a reconstructed European courtyard with a fake sky that looked like a movie set (if you stood directly under the ceiling, it was easy to convince yourself that you were outdoors under an overcast night sky), reconstructed Asian temples, and an Asian art section to die for. The Hindu, Tibetan, and Chinese statues were beautiful, and there were quite a few lions and lion people pieces. It felt appropriate for me to be there that day, as the night before both mambos and Legba reminded me that I needed to do more ancestor work. The only negative part of the experience was that, for some reason, I picked up a nagging headache at the museum. I usually carry Tylenol with me, but of course did not have it on me that day.

I was able to take some Tylenol before heading over to Mambo Pat’s, where all the attendees ate dinner and then got to know each other a bit before the fet, which was in honor of Met Agwe, La Sirene and La Balenn. My headache kept nagging me, so I took some more pills. Then we changed into our white clothes, wrapped our heads, and sat around the poteau mitan while Mambo Pat led us through the priyes.

It was interesting to experience how another house throws a fet. While the basic regleman was the same, in other ways this was very different from the fets I’d attended in Seattle. It was a little less free form, focusing more on songs and salutes rather than long periods of dancing. While I enjoy dancing a lot, the more structured format of this fet meant that I did not spend the evening trying to avoid getting hit and kicked by wild dancers, and that allowed me to focus on the lwa and the songs more. And the lwa were very much in attendance.

During his section of the fet, Legba came down into Mambo Pat and he went around greeting the celebrants. True to his word, he came over to me, embraced me and spoke words of reassurance into my ear. Again I was deeply moved to be so close to my met tet, and I felt very well cared for.

I also got to see my first Agwe possession. He entered the head of one of the houngans, and promptly sat down on one of the chairs and began directing the proceedings. Someone placed a black naval hat upon his head and he was kept moist with a spray bottle. One of the mambos went down a short while later–at first I thought it was a La Sirene possession, but I would later find out it was La Balenn. Like La Sirene, this lwa does not speak, so she mostly lay there with people attending her and keeping her moist. We sang and danced for Damballah, and he possessed one of the attendees. Then we took a break. The nine of us who were receiving the lave tet went upstairs and changed into our old clothes. I realized my headache had not bothered me since the fet began. I felt good.

After the break, the festivities resumed and the lave tet got underway. I went first. I was seated in a chair while the baths were poured over my head and rubbed along my arms. I could hear the houngans and mambos invoking the lwa while I focused on problems I would like to leave behind me. Then I was taken to a back room where I changed out of my wet clothes and into fresh white clothing. I was then wrapped in a white sheet and led to one of the low chairs in the altar area where I waited while the others received their head washings.

After the lave tet was finished, we sang some songs for the Ghede, and one of them came down into Mambo Pat’s head. This Ghede then proceeded to tease the various attendees, and at one point many of the lave tet recipients, including yours truly, got either the Ghede’s butt or boobs thrust nearly in our faces (fully clothed, the tone was very much ribald comedy).  Then she went around telling fortunes for a few coins, closing out the evening by asking each of us if we or someone we loved needed healing. If we said yes, she gave us a penny for that person (which now sits on my Ghede/ancestors altar, under a statue that resembles my cat Snowman, who is ill). After Mambo Pat’s Ghede (and another Ghede possessing a houngan) departed, we finished up the fet and it was time for the lave tet recipients to be bedded down in the altar area.

Air mattresses were laid out with sheets and quilts, and we were each assigned a sleeping area. At first I was assigned to the side of the room closer to the ocean lwa altar, but then I was moved next to the Petro altar. My head would be very near the Ghede altar (more on this later).

Prior to sleep, our heads were unwrapped. More things were placed on our heads, and then we were rewrapped and laid down to sleep. My headache, which had been absent all through the fet, was now back, and I looked forward to some dark and quiet. Then it was lights out, and the other attendees all went upstairs.

I had trouble sleeping, in part because of someone’s snoring but also because I generally have trouble sleeping if I share a room with anyone other than my girlfriend Anne. I lay there quietly for a couple of hours. Sometimes I would gaze at the Petro altar, where the statue of a grinning Asian man looked back at me. Other times I focused on relaxing all my facial muscles, which helps alleviate head pain.

After a while, I quietly went upstairs to use the restroom, and grabbed some ear plugs out of my totebag before returning back downstairs. Then I was able to drift into a light sleep. At one point I dreamt that I woke up and several of the houngans and mambos who were at the fet were sitting in the room. I asked them what time it was and they said, “5:30. Go back to sleep.”

A bit later I woke up for real, and could not go back to sleep. Being in the basement, it was hard to tell what time it was, so I just lay there. My headache was gone and I was enjoying the sweet absence of pain. And then, while I lay there relaxed but still awake, I started hearing bits of jumbled conversation. It got so inane and goofy that I was laughing to myself, and started writing them down on the paper next to my mattress (which we each had, to jot down any dreams we might have).

A sample: “I can’t touch my money, can I?” And then, “It’s like when no cat bounces it.” And, “Where can I get such a flash in the pan?” Initially I thought this was just my own mental noise, but it went on for quite a while and was not the usual type of internal chatter I hear.

In the morning, our heads were washed again and rewrapped, and then Mambo led us in a brief action de grace. We enjoyed one last meal together, and then it was back to Seattle.

A very late flight out of Philly resulted in me missing my connecting flight in Chicago, forcing me to stay overnight in a hotel (paid for by the airline). I was so exhausted from not sleeping well the night before and travel worry that I fell into a dreamless sleep. The following morning I boarded an early flight out of Chicago and was back in Seattle around 11 a.m.

It was wonderful to sleep in my own bed that night. However, I wasn’t alone. As I was drifting off to sleep, a voice said very clearly (for a nonphysical voice, that is), “Hell, yeah!” I rolled my eyes a bit, then went to sleep. Then I woke up around 3 a.m. to use the bathroom. As I was stumbling out of bed, someone said, “I can drink your father under the table!”

Things have quieted down a bit in the last couple of weeks, and I am using the time to reflect and decide on adjustments to my altars and service.

Books for “Vodou 101”

Last Wednesday I stopped at Edge of the Circle Books on my way to meet a friend, and found yet another new book on Vodou that I think I am going to like a lot (more on this later). How I wished I’d had this book when I started down this path. This got me to thinking, what books would I like to see included in a “Vodou 101” class? Below is my list, with brief comments on each.

Divine Horsemen: The Living Gods of Haiti by Maya Deren. A much-touted (and deservedly so) account of Deren’s journey to Haiti and into Vodou. Includes a ton of information about the lwa and various ceremonies, including a beautiful service held for Met Agwe and a firsthand account of possession.

Mama Lola: A Vodou Priestess in Brooklyn by Karen McCarthy Brown. This book also includes a lot of info about the lwa and the services, but I also liked that the author focused on Mama Lola as a Haitian living in the U.S. and how she holds her services here. This focus gives the book a more personal feel. The author and Mama Lola also travel to Haiti, and we are given a closer look at the Haitian people and the author’s experience as a foreigner being initiated into Vodou.

The Book of Vodou by Leah Gordon. I really wish I had this book when I started out. It packs a lot of information into a thin tome–everything from a brief history of Haiti to descriptions (with property tables) of the lwa to a glossary of terms. And tons of pictures! This would be a good first book to assign to a class to give a student a quick  overview of Vodou and engage their interest.

The Haitian Vodou Handbook: Protocols for Riding with the Lwa by Kenaz Filan. This is another book I wished I’d had from the get-go. Filan’s writing style and the way he arranged the book is very accessible to someone new to Vodou. What I really love about this book, however, is that it contains some very practical suggestions for the non-initiate solo practitioner. Not everyone is near a sosyete (a Vodou house) and his book helped me immensely when I was figuring out how to serve the lwa on my own.

Serving the Spirits: The Religion of Haitian Vodou (Volume 1) by Mambo Vye Zo Komande la Menfo. Just published last year, this is a very good overview of Vodou with focus on respect for the lwa and for the culture of Haiti. I liked that the author emphasized the importance of discovering which lwa are with you rather than courting a lwa you happen to find interesting (she considers this rude to the lwa who are with you, and I agree).

Haitian Vodou: An Introduction to Haiti’s Indigenous Spiritual Tradition by Mambo Chita Tann. This is the book I ran across on Wednesday by happy “accident.” My plan that day had been to take a bus to the northern end of Capital Hill and go to a different book store altogether. This plan was changed when the bus I wanted to catch did not show up after 20 minutes (which was weird as this particular bus runs at least every 15 minutes at that hour, so I should have at least seen one go by) and I had to walk to another bus stop, which left me with not enough time to go to that particular store and meet my friend on time. So I ended up catching a different bus and got off partway up the hill and went to Edge of the Circle instead.

And I was glad I did. My initial reaction when I saw this book was that I really could not justify buying another “101” level book. However, I quickly changed my mind once I took a look inside. First of all, this book includes a lot of pronunciations of Haitian words, which is invaluable for those of us who don’t speak Kreyol. (Now, I would absolutely have LOVED to have this a few years ago!) I was already sold at that point, and then discovered that the author also included some Haitian recipes for dishes you can serve to the lwa. I’ve only just started reading this book, but so far I  like it a lot. The author emphasizes respect for the lwa and for the culture and people of Haiti.

Mark of Voodoo: Awakening to My African Spiritual Heritage by Sharon Caulder. I would like to see this book included in a Vodou class, even though it’s not about Haitian Vodou. I enjoyed this book so much because it felt like I was reading an interesting novel. It’s the firsthand story of the author’s journey to Benin to learn about Voodoo from Supreme Chief Daagbo Hounon Houna. Learning about Vodou’s African roots was interesting and gives one a broader perspective of the lwa.

So these are my beginner’s recommendations as of this date. I am sure there are other good resources out there, but I am just including books I’ve read or am in the process of reading here.

Additional reading (updated as I read more books):
Sevis Lwa: Crossroad of Vodou (Volume 2) by Mambo Vye Zo Komande la Menfo. Published April, 2018. A companion piece to her earlier book, this volume contains detailed instructions and information for those continuing to serve the Lwa.

La Sirene

I’ve received a request to post some info about La Sirene. This lwa does walk with me, and I’m embarrassed to say I’ve been a little negligent of her and Met Agwe (her husband) lately. I need to make it up to them, and honoring the request to  post more info about her is a good start. I am also purchasing a beautiful spirit bottle for her from my friend Slinky in the near future; pics will be posted at that time.

I’ll start off with the quoted book info and then add some more personal stuff.

From Répertoire Pratique des Loa du Vodou Haïtien by Déïta:

She is Master Agouet Aroyo’s wife. Goddess of fresh and salt waters…She is the twin sister of “La Baleine” (The Whale).

SYMBOL: Gold comb and Horn of Plenty.

COLORS – CLOTHING: Pink.

OFFERINGS: Rice pudding; vermicelli with milk, corn-heart gruel, sugar-coated almonds, candies, pink cake and the roasted flesh of a white pigeon.

DRINKS: Sweet almond syrup.

(Note: This book also includes an image of La Sirene’s veve, which I don’t see often).

From The Hatian Vodou Handbook by Kenaz Filan:

La Sirene (literally “the Siren or “the mermaid”)…is as changeable as the sea, capable of great love and great cruelty..

In Haiti, many Vodouisants will avoid putting their heads beneath water while swimming in the ocean. They believe that if they do they may be captured by La Sirene, who will take them to Gineh. There they will stay for years, if they come back at all. When they return they will be powerful  magicians….

…La Sirene loves images of beautiful mermaids. If you want to create a shrine to La Sirene, be sure to include some mermaid imagery. Like Agwe, La Sirene also enjoys nautical materials and items. Seashells, driftwood, sea glass, sea floaters , and other things that have been taken from the sea or that are connected with marine or ocean imagery…You should also give her a comb and a mirror–the finest you can afford.

La Sirene likes sweet things, particularly cakes with white and light blue-green icing…You can also give her champagne, orgeat syrup, or other liqueurs.

From The Little Book of Vodou by Leah Gordon:

…a mermaid who possesses the wisdom of the water’s depths. She is said to make an eerie music on the floor of the ocean, and is held to be the patron of musicians.

Colors: Blue-green

Symbols: Mirror, comb, trumpet, shells

Offering: white doves, perfume, mirrors, sweet white wine

Catholic Counterpart:  Nuestra Senora de la Caridad and St. Martha

My own experiences with La Sirene go as far back as I can remember. For one, my favorite number was always her number, seven, and it used to follow me around. I’d look at a phone number and it would be full of 7’s, or I’d be standing in a public restroom and it would have 7 stalls. You get the idea. These days, the number 3 (Legba’s number) is the one that seems to follow me the most, but back then it was all 7’s.

When I was a child, I also had dreams where earth was a water planet, and we could breathe underwater and swim everywhere. As an adult, I’ve noticed her and Met Agwe’s presence is often indicated in dreams by the appearance of beautiful turquoise water. (See Dogs and dreams of water for more details.) She has also appeared to me a couple of times, wearing a blue and white dress. (See Unraveling the mysteries of personal lwa and the blue dress and What is it with the blue dress? for detailed accounts.) And of course, there was the mirror incident.

I also recommend the following link, which includes her veve:

http://www.sosyetedumarche.com/html/siren_balen.html

Think you’re not psychic? Think again!

I just finished reading Sylvia Browne’s “Life on the Other Side.” I enjoyed it quite a bit, although I question her belief that there are no insects on the others side (when all other living creatures seem to be there). I am not a fan of insects in particular, but life is life. I also question her belief that humans do not incarnate as other species…that you are created as the species you are and stay that way. As someone who believes in therianthropy, that belief invalidates my own personal experience and that of people like author Linda Tucker, but who knows. There are a variety of explanations for differences in experience, and she could be right. Or perhaps cross-species incarnations are not common *shrugs.* I still enjoyed the book, and her descriptions of the other side are quite beautiful, even if they do appear to be viewed through a slight Christian and Eurocentric lens.

After reading two of Browne’s books fairly close together (the last one being “Afterlives of the Rich and Famous”), I was craving a change in viewpoint, so I started reading John Edward’s “Infinite Quest.” Like Linda Tucker’s book on the white lions, Edward’s book was also part of an introductory book club package (although I did choose this book because I loved John Edward’s television show “Crossing Over,” whereas I knew little about Linda Tucker before reading her book).

I did not realize that “Infinite Quest” is basically a 101 course in psychic development. This discovery both surprised and pleased me, as I am always interested in and open to suggestions on developing that muscle. However, as this book contains exercises you are supposed to do as you read each chapter, it is not a good book to read on the bus, where I do most of my reading these days. So, my bus book is now Edward’s earlier book “Crossing Over,” which is autobiographical. So now I am treating myself to a double-dose of John Edward, which is a lot of fun.

One of the things that really hit home for me in “Infinite Quest” is in Chapter One, where he talks about the five psychic senses:

Just as we have five psychic senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, and tasting, we have psychic ones that correlate…

Clairvoyance–clear seeing

Clairaudience–clear hearing

Clairsentience–clear feeling

Clairalience–clear smelling

Clairambience–clear tasting

I would like to be the first person to tell you that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CLEAR about any of the above experiences at all. I jokingly think that they should be called instead subtle-voyance, subtle-audience, et cetera . . . you get the point.

—John Edward from “Infinite Quest”

Ever since Puck crossed over and I began this spiritual journey into Vodou and attuning myself to the spirit world, I’ve been constantly reminded about how wrong my ideas about psychic experience were. Sylvia Browne hates the word ‘imagination’ because it’s used so often to dismiss experiences that don’t take place in the solid physical world. For many years I had the mistaken belief that I was not very psychically gifted at all. I knew that I had a very vivid imagination, however and, like most westerners, thought the two were very separate.

And that is where the learning curve gets a bit tricky. We all have some ability in imagination, visualization and, I truly believe, psychic ability. But how do we know what is imagination and what is psychic information?

When receiving a reading from a psychic, John Edward recommends you ask yourself if anything they said was validated by your experience. Did they tell you anything specific about your past, present or someone you know? If not, then you should probably take what they say with a grain of salt.

But again, this is trickier when you are acting as your own psychic. How do you know if the information you receive is real or just wishful thinking?

There are no easy answers to this and you will need to set aside your ego and emotions, which is not an easy task.

One of my truth vs imagination gauges is to ask myself if the information is something I’d be likely to imagine on my own. For example, at a Zimbate healing workshop, the students were asked to contact their healing guide and listen for a name. I did not get a name during the workshop, but did receive one the following day. I saw it in my mind’s eye, written on a piece of yellow notebook paper. It was a foreign-sounding name, one that I was completely unfamiliar with. And when I googled it, I found that it was indeed a real name, although there was some question as to whether it was Hawaiian or Meso-American in origin. Because it was a name so outside of my experience, I accepted this information as legitimate, more so than I would have if the name was one I expected to hear. While this particular “vision” was fairly clear, some of the information I receive is much less so.

During an animal communication workshop with Tracy Ann, we were instructed to ask one of Tracy’s dog for his nickname. I got an impression of the word “donkey” and immediately doubted it, thinking that it could not be right. As it turned out, it was not exactly right, but close. This time, I “heard” the word rather than “saw” it. The dog’s nickname turned out to be “monkey,” as he liked to climb up tall haystacks. While I did not interpret the information clearly, you can easily see the similarity in the two words. Neither word was one that I would associate with a dog. In this instance, I was lucky because the situation was one where another person could validate the information for me.

During the Intuitive Bootcamp workshop I took with Shannon Knight, I often found myself accessing personal information psychically that would be difficult to validate outside of myself. It has always been a challenge for me to get past my inner critic/skeptic and accept things as I experience them. I am getting better at it. I’m not saying that one should not question one’s experience; more that you should refrain from intensive questioning while you are receiving the information. Once the immediate experience is over there will be plenty of time to digest, question, analyze and reach your own conclusion. When you are receiving information about past lives it can be difficult if not impossible to obtain validation from the outside, especially if the particular life is a very old one or you lived in a remote area or the location is not specific. Most of us were not famous historical figures (and, honestly, if I saw myself as one I would be questioning the information like crazy). During many of the bootcamp exercises, images I saw in my mind’s eye did not feel much different from many of my more detailed imaginings (with the exception of one vision that had both visual and audio stimuli). The main difference was intention—when I am planning an art project (and this would not apply to the many projects that pop up in my mind on their own), I am deliberately visualizing color, materials, construction and methods of problem-solving and so naturally the images are largely what I expect to see. In the bootcamp, my intention was to receive an answer to a question, but then I would attempt to keep my mind open to whatever might appear.

In the Vodou realm, my experiences with both La Sirene and Agwe were subtle as well. The first direct experience of La Sirene that I am aware of was on a bus. I was lightly dozing when I felt someone sit down next to me. When I opened my eyes and saw the empty seat next to me, I fortunately had the presence of mind to quickly close my eyes and see what impressions I might receive. And I saw a lovely mulatto or Latina woman in a blue and white dress. This impression, while fairly clear, was still not too different in feel from what we call “imagination.” A brief vision I had of being on a beach with Agwe was very similar. In the past, my skeptical mind might have dismissed them as wishful thinking.

So before you assume that you have zero psychic ability, I would suggest that you examine your expectations about how such information manifests itself. Those subtle nudgings and images that you dismiss as daydreaming or imagination could be something more, and you may be more attuned than you think.

A couple of footnotes to the Rada fet and past life recall posts

In my write-up on the Rada fet, I forgot to mention that I witnessed my first Agwe or La Sirene possession. I am not sure which one it was (I will have to ask Mambo C next time I talk to her). It was shortly after I stopped dancing, when the mambo came over to check on me. The Azaka segment had ended, and the Agwe segment was starting. She told me I had to dance; it was Agwe, after all, one of the main lwa who walks with me.

I did return to the dance after a few minutes and sometime during that segment Mambo C became possessed. I didn’t notice it at first because it wasn’t extremely dramatic, but I saw Houngan D and a few others huddled around her handing her bottle after bottle of water, which she was gulping down like she’d been wandering in the desert for a week. So I have to assume one of the water lwa was in her head.

About the past life recall exercise I did with Shannon: the Saturday following that session, I had an odd dream. I won’t go into extreme detail here, because some of it is pretty personal, but the imagery was interesting because it was characters out of a sci fi film. Usually when I dream about sci fi characters, the dream is fun and adventurous. This one was calm and, in the end, rather sad.

The gist of it was that I was talking to a queen figure on a spaceship, showing her proper respect by getting down on my knee and kissing her hand. I did not mind doing this, in fact I felt great love and respect for her. I told her that I was honored to be there, and that I could not wait for the day when I could take up permanent residence there. She told me kindly that I could, but not now, I had to go back to earth and finish some project or mission.

I was disappointed, as I felt this was my real home and that I had lived there before. It was a life that I wanted to return to. She gently explained that I had died in that life, and I came to the realization that I could not return there until after my earthly death.

That was what was weird about the dream. It wasn’t “fun” at all, but seemed to mean something deeper.

Afterwards the hatch of the ship opened, and I walked out onto a beautiful white beach with the clear turquoise water that is often present in dreams of spiritual significance. In the distance, I could see a dark-haired woman who I knew in that life, but when I tried to interact with her, she completely ignored me, as if she wasn’t even aware of my presence.

I’ve given this dream some thought and think that I may have actually been on the other side briefly, speaking with a spirit guide. The message might be that I need to stop living in the past and focus on the now, so that I can do what I need to do and then go home. And I so want to go home.

Lost pin and synchronicity

The week following the session with my animal communicator/medium friend, I thought a lot about the thunder and lightning association. According to some of my books and some websites, Ogoun Badagri is associated with thunder and lightning. That got me wondering if he is the Ogoun I should be serving instead of Balindjo.

The following week, I decided to wear a pin decorated with the veve of Ogoun Badagri on my hat. Last weekend I went to a movie with a friend, and when I got home I noticed, to my disappointment, that the pin was missing. I cannot help but wonder if he is trying to show me that he does not walk with me.

I am not sure if Ogoun Balindjo also has a thunder and lightning association, but I know he is associated with water. Perhaps I am serving the right Ogoun after all. As I’ve mentioned before, he is a member of Agwe’s crew, and Agwe seems to be strong with me.

More conversations with the other side

On Thursday March 3rd, at 3:30pm, I had another session with my friend and animal communicator/medium, Tracy Ann. I love these sessions with Tracy, not only because I get to converse with loved ones who have crossed over, but also simply because I love the woman herself.

Back in January I’d been feeling very depressed. Then I realized the reason why: it was the anniversary of Puck’s passing. It’s hard to believe he’s been gone for three years. Unlike two other cats I lived with who crossed over years before Puck, the passage of time does not seem to affect how often I think about him (daily). It had been a while since I’d last spoken with him, so I decided to set an appointment with Tracy.

As the session began, Puck came through immediately. Tracy said that his presence was so strong that it was almost tangible, as though she could reach out and touch him. Puck said that he’s been busy working with, around and through me, and that things are starting to move faster. I was not sure which things he was referring to, but I am guessing he means life in general. I certainly have been feeling that time has sped up lately, and have had problems keeping up with it and accomplishing the things I need to get done.

Puck said he’s been moving through our place fast. He showed Tracy an image of him running through the condo. This was interesting, because a couple of weeks before that, while Anne and I were eating dinner, I thought I saw a small cat-sized figure rush by my feet in a blur of movement. (Both of our cats were upstairs at the time, in the bedroom with the door closed.)

Puck said there are surprises coming my way (not bad ones). Tracy saw these as gifts. Puck said that I won’t have a lot to do; to just sit back and relax. He also said that he’d been waiting for me to call him [through Tracy], but knew I was waiting for the right time.

When I asked Tracy to tell Puck that I love him, Puck sighed and replied, “You always say that.” I had to laugh. Animals don’t need to hear things verbally the way we do. They know we love them by our actions and our emotions. The fact that he is so sure of my love that I don’t have to tell him means a lot to me.

Via Tracy, I also talked to Snowman and Luna (our two cats), as well as a few other animals who have crossed over.

I talked with Anne’s late father, who kept showing Tracy a gold key on a gold chain. Both Anne and I are puzzled about this, and hope the meaning will become clear later on.

I talked to Marie a little, asking some questions on behalf of Anne’s mother. Most of that conversation is for Anne’s mother only, so I won’t go into details here, but it was nice to know that Marie is doing okay.

When Tracy asked me if there was anyone else I wanted to talk to, I reminded her of how Legba first spoke to me through her in one of our sessions. I asked her if she would see if he had anything to say. Instead of approaching him directly, she asked if there was anyone who wanted to say anything.

Almost immediately, she began hearing a drum. A big, deep, bold drum. She thought it had a Norse sound (as opposed to a Native American sound, which she is more familiar with). I thought perhaps she could be hearing African or Afro Caribbean drums, which can be very powerful. She was not sure about this though, as she is not familiar with those styles.

Tracy got the sense of thunder and lightning, which prompted a joke on my part about the time I was almost struck by lightning on my way to work. Her voice got softer as though she was speaking from a distance:

“But you call it to you. Lot of power. Interaction. Be careful what you say. We are always listening. Gotten better at that. Tempest. Temple? Storm. Drive or need got stronger. Storm. Within you, calling the drums, rhythm. That calms the storm. Gonna be your challenge. Emotions will rise that you are not used to. Challenge is taking charge, being master of emotions. Your last, final test/hurdle.

“Be aware you are not thinking too much about it. Become instinct. Natural. Turn hand right side up. Has to become second nature and it will. You will get too in head, too nervous. You’ll be able to do it. Like mastering spitting.”

The spirits were laughing now. Tracy hears the drums again–not Native American—bigger. She thinks of a clan sitting around one drum, bigger, rhythms like a heartbeat. “Listen to heart beat in drum. Way of calling all ancestors. Have that wild magic. Wild magic running through veins. You understand that. Are able to call it as well. Start practicing that. If it starts to feels too heavy, call on feminine energy.”

Regarding the feminine energy, Tracy sees letters. A name?

H E R M O T PH E

(Letters probably in that order, but there may be other letters in between. If anyone recognizes this name, please let me know.)

At this point, Tracy heard the sound of an opening door upstairs in her house, although when she briefly went upstairs to check, her dogs were not barking and were relaxed.

Tracy then sensed another name: “Odin, Ogen?”  She heard more drums, hearing them along with storms. Storm clouds, announcing someone. Association with thunder and lightning. I thought immediately of Ogoun, and then of Agwe; both have been associated with thunder and lightning. Tracy did not think Agwe seemed right.

Now here’s an interesting note: This session, although it started late, was scheduled for 3/3 at 3:30pm. When we were originally scheduling the session in early February, Tracy said she liked those numbers.

Last week, a local Ifa practitioner sent out a group invitation for a service for Oggun (the Yoruba equivalent of Ogoun). The service was scheduled for March 3, at 3:33.

In closing, I just found out that there is a Rada fet next Saturday. I am not 100 percent sure that I am going as I write this, but I hope to attend.

Unblocking my creative energies

As I mentioned in a recent post, I’ve neglected the lwa somewhat since buying a condo last summer. It’s also been difficult finding the discipline to sculpt. I feel as if my rhythm is off or something.

I’ve also been analyzing my dream about the gloves. In the dream, I was worried about finding the lost blue glove. Perhaps I should have just accepted the mismatched red glove.

I’ve always been a daydreamer, and prone to living so much in my imagination that I neglect practical affairs. This daydreaming tendency, while it connects me to La Sirene, can sometimes be my downfall. I think the red glove represented Ogoun, and his determination and discipline. I need to attend to practical affairs.

On Saturday, Anne went to a birthday party for her mother, and I had the place to myself. I took advantage of the solitude to prepare some food and drink offerings for Legba, La Sirene, Agwe, Erzulie, Ogoun and my ancestors. There was a lot of energy in my shrine area, and afterward I felt the ache in my arms that I now associate with exposure to the lwa.

Attending to them has helped to ease my artistic block, and I’ve been sculpting every night since then. The two gloves seem to indicate a need to balance my dreamy nature with practical application. Nothing new there, but I feel as if my battery has been jump-started again.